December 19, 2011

21 years of age

exhausted. perkataan yang paling tepat. letih nya badan. letih nya otak. umur baru 21 tahun dan letih macam ni. 21 dah rasa macam 50. baru belajar. tak dapat nak bayang macam mana bila kerja nanti letihnya. letih letih letih. waktu tidur pukul 6 pagi, bangun pukul 9 pagi dah jadi rutin rasanya. nak berehat, tapi tak boleh. nak tidur pon kena fikir banyak kali, takut menyesal di kemudian hari. kadang-kadang rasa nak putus asa, tapi bila mengenangkan lagi sikit lagi nak habis semua letih ni, teruskan je lah langkah yang lemah ni. i have to work my hardest now. hopefully, by the end of the day, everything turned out well. i need the rest. sikit lagi.

November 27, 2011


Where are you? I miss you. Adele's wrong. It is very hard for me to find one. I miss you.
 If you go away on this summer's day,
Then you might as well take the sun away
All the birds that flew in the summer sky
When our love was new and our hearts were high
When the day was young and the nights were long
And the moon stood still for the night bird's song
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a day
Like no day has been, or will be again
We'll sail on the sun, we'll ride on the rain
And talk to the trees and worship the wind
But if you go, I'll understand
Leave me just enough love to fill up my hand
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go, as I know you will
You must tell the world to stop turning
Till you return again, if you ever do,
For what good is love without loving you?
Can I tell you now, as you turn to go
I'll be dying slowly till the next hello
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

But if you stay, I'll make you a night
Like no night has been, or will be again
I'll sail on your smile, I'll ride on your touch
I'll talk to your eyes that I love so much
But if you go, I won't cry
Though the good is gone from the word goodbye
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

If you go away, as I know you must
There is nothing left in this world to trust
Just an empty room, full of empty space
Like the empty look I see on your face
I'd have been the shadow of your shadow
If you might have kept me by your side
If you go away, if you go away, if you go away.

October 22, 2011


Currently, I'm staying with Kak Long in Shah Alam since I still have one more year of school before going for internship. Right now, I'm missing my parents so much. Why? I just can't stay a day without having them listens to my all sorts of story. My parents temporary home is at Gombak. A 45minutes of journey from Shah Alam to Gombak. I have a car, then why don't I just go back home since it's weekend? I'm a BSc (Hons) Information System Engineering part 5 student. Maybe it's just me, but as an ISE student, i don't have an extra time to be wasted since there are tons of assignments, projects, tutorials, quizzes and tests that I have to face each week. I found that putting a full commitment to my study is the only way for me right now. A way for me to take care of my parents when they grow older and needs me. But right now, I miss them. I miss my family. I wish they are living with me here in Shah Alam.

August 14, 2011


I think this was Christina Perri's past; her love life

Tragedy - you never there for me like i'm there for you
The Lonely - you left me, alone.. i lost myself
Sad Song - trying to figure where did i do wrong
Bluebird - getting over you, find someone else
Penguin - found someone else, but not letting him in yet
Black + Blue - finally over you, happy with that someone else
Arms - that someone else always there for me
Distance - i like him, but he haven't officially let me in his life, so i keep a distance
Miles - holding on through the obstacles between us
Jar of Hearts - you came back into my life, pleading for me to take you back
Daydream  - i love my relationship right now, please stand where you are, don't take another step ahead
Mine  - i know you are suffering but i suffered first
Bang Bang Bang - you came back for me because she did to you what you did to me

yup, exactly the same as mine

August 08, 2011


Kak Long punya kerja


nak tengok-tengok sila klik sini

August 07, 2011


i don't want to return any of yours until you figure out what's going on, but i'm not gonna tell you anything

July 31, 2011

so much deeper

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny when you're dead how people start listening

July 03, 2011


my priorities in life
  1. family
  2. works
  3. friends
  4. special person
  5. entertainment

July 01, 2011


ya ya ya, saya tahu saya juga yang sibuk-sibuk mengatakan ianya sangat susah sebelum ini dan mungkin menakutkan anda-anda. but i guess, if you are not willing to take the challenge, then maybe you really not meant to be in this field. and i don't mind, masing-masing suap mulut masing-masing.

June 21, 2011

karma II

nampak tak? dah nampak ke belum? yang bumi ni bulat bentuknya, dan ia berputar. dan jadinya yang berada di atas akan di bawah, dan yang di bawah akan ke atas. bila kita enak membuang yang kita tak nampak nilai harganya, tiba-tiba pergi pula yang kita terlalu bergantung keatasnya. dah rasa? belum lagi, tapi waktu itu akan tiba juga, jangan risau. sebab kita tidak akan dapat lari dari merasa kejatuhan dalam hidup. baru dapat tahu apa erti sakit. dari kanan keluar ke kiri, nasihat-nasihat berlalu begitu sahaja. tak apa, tak apa, tanggungjawab tetap tanggungjawab, yang tidak terlaksana itu yang perlu diberi perhatian. susah nak faham? menara gading lagi susah nak gapai.

tersirat lebih dari tersurat

June 09, 2011


Those are words i wish you said, but that's not how it went because you gave up on us in the end.

May 29, 2011

time flies

kadang-kadang yang luar tu menipu mata, yang di dalam tidak diambil kira, makanya luruh lah rasa yang hanya di atas dan di dalam yang tahu. kalau di luah pun belum tentu dapat selesai bila hati mendahului akal, nafsu mendahului keperluan. bila nak berakhir semua ni?

May 16, 2011

and now you want to put the blame on me? fuck you!!

May 15, 2011


zaman myspace dah lama lepas laaa weyh


tak. kau tak tahu macam mana rasa penatnya. nak bayang juga mungkin tak mampu. penat yang disebabkan bukan kerana menangguh, tapi kesuntukan masa yang tidak dapat dielakkan dan kekurangan tangan untuk bekerja. aku tak mengeluh, tapi kalau ada yang tak faham, tapi cuba memahami, ianya sangatlah membantu.

May 07, 2011


i've got what i want, but i don't have what i need.
i don't know how, i cannot stop.
this thing that going on me is not working.
being numb doesn't bring me anywhere.

No Strings Attached.
(500) Days of Summer.
P/S I Love You.

those would explains everything

May 01, 2011


merasa sesuatu yang tidak patut dirasa. berhenti, tolong berhenti, yang dahulu tidak jumpa sudahnya lagi. jangan berjalan, terus berlari semampu yang mungkin. aku penat, bukan tubuh, tapi hati, takut-takut yang hancur dahulu tidak ada jalan pulihnya. tolong.

tidak, kau takkan pernah faham

April 28, 2011

at last!

And I've been meaning to say this to you.
My heart isn't black and blue anymore  
And your words don't mean a thing
Their sung, in vain 

April 24, 2011

new chapter

i'm feeling different, even though it may not last long, but it is good, for me at least, thank you. :)

April 23, 2011

feeling good

thank you. it was such a release. it's been a long time since people treated me like that :)

April 22, 2011


please don't be too nice to everyone, especially me, i'm too fragile, and i've hurt enough ='(

April 20, 2011

m with the !@#$ face

and by that, i disgust you more. that's a total full stop. and may your life never be happy, every single day. whenever i see you, i will make that shit face that represent you, this is my promise.


Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, Kau balas lah yang setimpalnya.

March 05, 2011


apa jadi kalau semua benda kita buat ikut hati?
ikut suka hati kita lah kan
baru lah puas hati kan?
tapi sebab apa kita tak sentiasa buat macam tu?
tipu laaaa kalau nak kata kita tak pernah buat apa-apa benda ikut hati
kenapa kadang-kadang tu kita berhenti berfikir dari ikut membuta tuli apa yang hati kita kata?
sebab orang lain pun ada hati kan?
berhenti sebab kita terfikir tentang hati orang lain
bagusnya kalau kita boleh sentiasa buat macam tu kan?
tapi kalau asyik buat macam tu pon susah juga
kita sibuk jaga hati orang, tapi hati kita?
sebab kita tak ikut kata hati kita, mestilah ada rasa sakit tu kan?
tapi tak apa lah, biarlah hati kita sakit, asalkan hati orang lain senang
aku suka tutup mulut aku bila aku taknak ikut kata hati aku
just saying....

February 26, 2011

i wonder, how does it feels to be mean?


“We don’t choose who we fall in love with and it never works out the way it should.”
No Strings Attached, 2011

February 22, 2011


i am not cold or sombong or whatever cold person does
i just don't talk much to whom i'm not comfortable with yet
not even much, maybe lesser than little
i don't have way to start conversation
finding a topic is probably like climbing up hill
often i treat people the same way they treated me
so don't call me that
or spread the rumors
because i'm not
maybe this is ridiculous but i have the sense of being shy
just saying =)

 p/s: don't get comfortable with me because then i can never stop talking

February 18, 2011

sad song

pernah tak rasa bagaimana tiba-tiba semua lagu sedih berkait dengan kisah kita? kebanyakkan dialog dalam filem-filem sedih seperti memerli-merli kita? cerita-cerita sedih orang lain macam lebih kurang cerita sedih kita? semua kata-kata semangat, artikel-artikel berpusu-pusu datang menasihatkan kita?aku pernah, malahan sedang menghadapinya saat ini.

I'M SORRY. ya, aku minta maaf, kepada sesiapa yang aku telah sakiti. salah yang besar, mahupun kecil. post ni sepatutnya dah lama aku post, tapi baru sekarang tergeraknya aku untuk mengarang dan secara terbukanya untuk meminta maaf. bukan untuk satu orang yang tertentu, tapi kepada sesiapa sahaja yang aku telah sakiti, dari zaman sekolah lagi, hinggalah saat ini. mungkin tergeraknya aku untuk mengarang post ini kerana satu keadaan yang sangat menyakitkan telah melanda satu bahagian hidup aku, yang membuka mata aku tentang karma. apa yang kita buat, kita akan dapat kembali. ya, mungkin aku layak menerimanya, dan sekarang aku terlalu sakit untuk menghadapinya. mungkin ramai yang tidak perasan yang sekarang aku selalu dalam keadaan bersendirian, satu keadaan yang sangat susah kerana fikiran ini terlalu bebas memikirkan perkara yang tidak sepatutnya, ditambah dengan perasaan busuk yang terperangkap dalam hati ini. aku merasakan terpaksa untuk menulis di dalam blog aku ini sebab aku tak sanggup untuk berkongsi kisah yang perit yang aku lalui ini kepada sesiapa. dan aku tak rasa orang yang tidak berada di tempat aku akan faham apa yang hanya aku dan Allah yang merasakannya. dalam keadaan aku yang sebawah ini, aku mahu meminta maaf kepada sesiapa sahaja yang terlibat, mengharapkan Allah boleh meringankan rasa sakit dalam hati ni. kesalahan yang tidak patut aku lakukan tu semua berpunca dari sikap tidak matang yang masih bertapak dalam diri aku ni. aku masih merangkak mencari-cari bagaimana untuk tiba ke fasa itu. masih perlukan tunjuk ajar. masih perlukan cahaya yang pimpin aku ke arah itu. aku tiada kekuatan untuk meminta maaf secara berhadapan, aku harap post ini, dan video di atas dapat menebus kesalahan aku.

**lagu ini menyimpulkan segala yang aku ingin katakan, if anyone care

Christina Perri - Sad Song
Today I'm gonna write a sad song
I'm gonna make it really long
So that everyone can see
That I'm very unhappy

I wish I wasn't always wrong
I wish it wasn't always my fault
The finger which your pointing has knocked me on my knees
So I guess what's only left is...

I'm sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that to grow up can go slow

I wonder what my mom and dad would say
If I told them that I cry each day
And it's hard enough to live so far away

I wish I wasn't always alone
I wish it wasn't always so cold
When the party is over how will I get home?
And all you need to know is

I'm sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Just let me know that to grow up can go slow

All the rules are meant to bend
And you swore you were my friend
Now I have to start all over again

But I'm so sorry, it's not like me
It's maturity that I'm lacking
So don't, don't let me go
Oh let me know that to grow up can go slow

January 15, 2011

ohh, it's okay, maybe they just passing by

January 08, 2011

need a favor

for you; who read this blog or just walking in
can you leave a comment on this post
a "Hi" or simple self-introduction will do
and can you tell me where did you find this blog?
if you don't have a blogspot account, you can just be an anonymous
i'm just wondering, why do i have non-Malaysian visitors?
and it's just not one or two

p/s:Malaysian visitors comment also needed =)

January 05, 2011

demam dah masuk 5 hari
badan lemah sangat2
makan pon tak berapa nak lalu
Ya Allah
berat rasanya aku menanggung ujianMu ini
jauhilah segala yang buruk daripada aku